If You're Really Trying to "Educate" You're Doing It All Wrong
I don't mind a good discussion. Disagreeing with people and hearing different viewpoints has given me insight and changed my mind on a subject more than once. A discussion on a friend's wall popped up the other day. This is someone who I generally agree with. There was a link to an article on a liberal blog about someone losing friends over politics and race. The author was going to "quit talking to them about it." The author was then accused of "white privilege."
Now, I'm not one to dismiss "white privilege." It exists in many ways. I just don't think this is an example of it. I've ended friendships over politics and race, especially in the last six months. It was more of a decision to preserve my sanity, which the author cites as well, and a complete waste of my time. Engaging these people is not going to be anything constructive. They are not going to change their minds. Is it "white privilege?" I don't get it. I guess it's a privilege to have so many friends you don't mind jettisoning the friends that you now find reprehensible due to their politics and racism, but I wouldn't say that was a "white privilege" thing. I guess to not have "white privilege" I am supposed to stay friends with these people and argue the same points over and over again with nothing accomplished except raising my blood pressure and pissing me off. Sorry, I count it a victory that I finish each day among the living. I'm not putting energy into something so useless.
Another friend decided to chime in and called me a "Becky". (For those who don't know, that's another word for bitch, usually from a black person to a white female, so there's a racial connotation to it.) This person doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, except that I was saying that I don't think losing friends because you refuse to keep arguing politics and racism means you have "white privilege." It wasn't someone I'd had any other encounters with. The tone of the post with that in it was morally superior, as expected.
I composed a post justifying my claims about preserving my sanity (which had also been challenged - apparently I was throwing the word "sanity" around too flippantly) as well as a somewhat brief history of my encounters with racism.
I knew what was going to happen, but I did it anyway. If you know me, I'm originally from the NYC area. We don't take crap lying down. I really don't care that someone called me a name, but I'm not about to let it look like I'm taking it laying down in a public forum. I told her she was a cunt. And I knew, I just KNEW the end result was that the original poster (OP) was going to ask me to take down my name-calling and let the person I was directed to slide on it. I hit send anyway. Sometimes people do surprise you.
That wasn't the case this time. Exactly what I expected to happen happened. I was disappointed, and filed away the incident for future reference. I doubt I'll ever comment on a post by the OP again.
What was interesting after that was the comments from the person I called a cunt. She claimed that she's been called worse while attempting to educate people on race (I'm paraphrasing since I can't see her comments anymore). Educate? Really? If you think in the first conversation you have with someone, calling them a name is the way to educate them, you're not going to accomplish anything. I know a lot of teachers. I don't think any of them would start off a lesson "listen you bitches."
Hey, I have groups of friends we chat with about things and it's more all of us patting ourselves on the back or getting a good laugh in private at other people's expense where they don't know we're doing it. If you want to just be doing that and scoring points, becoming a legend in your own mind, that's cool. More power to you. Have fun. But if you really want to educate people, you're not going to get anywhere. People aren't going to listen when your first dialogue is to hurl insults. They are going to dismiss you or block you. You can't educate anyone who won't hear you. Judging people without knowing their background and their story no matter who you are will get you dismissed. A person who is a good educator is also a good listener.
I learned a few lessons there and I had some good conversations about it with people whose opinions I value. I don't just automatically think I am right - I did ask for opinions from those outside of the initial conversation. I know a lot of good people who can educate me about things and whom I can talk to about nearly anything without being an asshole about it.
Now, I'm not one to dismiss "white privilege." It exists in many ways. I just don't think this is an example of it. I've ended friendships over politics and race, especially in the last six months. It was more of a decision to preserve my sanity, which the author cites as well, and a complete waste of my time. Engaging these people is not going to be anything constructive. They are not going to change their minds. Is it "white privilege?" I don't get it. I guess it's a privilege to have so many friends you don't mind jettisoning the friends that you now find reprehensible due to their politics and racism, but I wouldn't say that was a "white privilege" thing. I guess to not have "white privilege" I am supposed to stay friends with these people and argue the same points over and over again with nothing accomplished except raising my blood pressure and pissing me off. Sorry, I count it a victory that I finish each day among the living. I'm not putting energy into something so useless.
Another friend decided to chime in and called me a "Becky". (For those who don't know, that's another word for bitch, usually from a black person to a white female, so there's a racial connotation to it.) This person doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, except that I was saying that I don't think losing friends because you refuse to keep arguing politics and racism means you have "white privilege." It wasn't someone I'd had any other encounters with. The tone of the post with that in it was morally superior, as expected.
I composed a post justifying my claims about preserving my sanity (which had also been challenged - apparently I was throwing the word "sanity" around too flippantly) as well as a somewhat brief history of my encounters with racism.
I knew what was going to happen, but I did it anyway. If you know me, I'm originally from the NYC area. We don't take crap lying down. I really don't care that someone called me a name, but I'm not about to let it look like I'm taking it laying down in a public forum. I told her she was a cunt. And I knew, I just KNEW the end result was that the original poster (OP) was going to ask me to take down my name-calling and let the person I was directed to slide on it. I hit send anyway. Sometimes people do surprise you.
That wasn't the case this time. Exactly what I expected to happen happened. I was disappointed, and filed away the incident for future reference. I doubt I'll ever comment on a post by the OP again.
What was interesting after that was the comments from the person I called a cunt. She claimed that she's been called worse while attempting to educate people on race (I'm paraphrasing since I can't see her comments anymore). Educate? Really? If you think in the first conversation you have with someone, calling them a name is the way to educate them, you're not going to accomplish anything. I know a lot of teachers. I don't think any of them would start off a lesson "listen you bitches."
Hey, I have groups of friends we chat with about things and it's more all of us patting ourselves on the back or getting a good laugh in private at other people's expense where they don't know we're doing it. If you want to just be doing that and scoring points, becoming a legend in your own mind, that's cool. More power to you. Have fun. But if you really want to educate people, you're not going to get anywhere. People aren't going to listen when your first dialogue is to hurl insults. They are going to dismiss you or block you. You can't educate anyone who won't hear you. Judging people without knowing their background and their story no matter who you are will get you dismissed. A person who is a good educator is also a good listener.
I learned a few lessons there and I had some good conversations about it with people whose opinions I value. I don't just automatically think I am right - I did ask for opinions from those outside of the initial conversation. I know a lot of good people who can educate me about things and whom I can talk to about nearly anything without being an asshole about it.
Comments
Post a Comment