#MeToo - The Numbers Should Come As No Surprise

Last year, I publicly admitted for the first time that I had been date-raped.  It was a secret I kept for a long time, blaming myself for being in a situation I thought I should have been smart enough not to be in.  It was only when a male friend pulled the secret out of me and let me know in no uncertain terms that I was not to blame for what happened that I finally began to face what really had happened.

#MeToo is the most recent social-media campaign to raise awareness of just how many women (and men too) have been subjected to sexual assault and harassment in their lives.  Some people are shocked by the number of people posting #MeToo in their timelines.

I'm not shocked.

And it's not going to change.

It's not going to change because the culture is not going to change.  It's not going to change because the people who get off on this write it off as "locker room talk" and make it seem like if you can't take the joke you're "uptight" - there's something wrong with you.  How many people do you see complaining that "political correctness has gone too far"?  I see it all the time.  When men can't try to push a woman's buttons and then use the excuse that "I'm just joking" to them there's something wrong with her - can't she just take a joke?

They know exactly what they are doing.

And it's not going to change.

On one person's thread I mentioned that there are jobs where sexual harassment is the norm and you have to put up with it.  She was aghast.  No one should have to put up with it as part of their job.

How long do you think a waitress would last if she didn't tolerate the sexual harassment cloaked in "jokes"?  How many waitresses do flirt and engage in sexual banter just to get bigger tips, knowing that if they complain about the guys slapping them on the butts they will likely get a smaller tip?  How many restaurants will back up a waitress (or waiter) before it really gets out of hand and risk losing customers who are "just joking around"?

I saw it in the hotel industry.  For some reason, some male travelers seem to think that anyone who works at the front desk of a hotel is someone they can sleep with, either for money or some other bribe.  I had it happen to me.  What started out as a late-night platonic conversation with a guy who couldn't sleep ended with him propositioning me and actually leaving his door propped open, thinking I would come in and join him after he called to let me know he had just taken a shower and was waiting.   I didn't take him seriously at first, until I was delivering receipts under the door and saw that he actually had left the door propped open.

I saw teenage girls who worked in our waterpark get harassed by a guest who "accidentally" touched them right across their chest while making lewd remarks - all in front of a room of people who did nothing to help these kids.  They complained to the other adults on staff at the hotel who did nothing.  "what are we supposed to do?" was the response I heard when I arrived and was told what was going on.  We had managers who always took the guests' side so the staff felt powerless and I don't think they took the situation seriously.

"The customer is always right."

No, they aren't.  Sometimes, the customer is a sexual predator who needs to be shown the door.

Sometimes, it is just a joke.  I know I have friends that I joke about things I wouldn't joke with others about.  And that is the key - you have to know the person you're joking with well enough to know that certain topics are okay to kid around with them.  Until we develop a certain level of respect for other human beings that we don't joke about certain topics unless we know them, nothing will change. Until we change a culture that rewards people for just going along with behavior that is unacceptable, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright predatory, it's not going to change.  Until we stigmatize the Harvey Weinsteins, the Bill Cosbys, and the Donald Trumps of the world, it's not going to change; even when those people aren't grabbing headlines but are just leading everyday lives and getting away with these displays of ego-stroking power.

 #MeToo

That's a start.  Where do we go from here?








Comments

  1. Alex Diaz-GranadosOctober 16, 2017 at 6:21 PM

    And, of course, let's not forget that our country is now "led" by a Groper in Chief who was caught on video bragging about how he grabbed women by their pussies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PattiNHOctober 16, 2017 at 6:24 PM

      Exactly. Given a free pass by the same people who were so upset by what happened between two *consenting* adults more than a decade earlier.

      Delete
  2. knottyOctober 18, 2017 at 11:59 PM

    Wow... I am flabbergasted that the guy propped his door open for you. It makes me think he must have had women actually take him up on his propositions.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MISOGYNY IN HISTORY – CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT

Image
This was inspired by an exchange on a friend’s timeline after Lyle Waggoner died.   You remember Lyle, right?   He was a regular on the Carol Burnett Show and was one of the stars of the 1970’s Wonder Woman series, portraying Steve Trevor alongside Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman.   You’d think that willingly being to co-star to a female lead back in the 1970’s would prove he was safe from accusations he had issues with women, but of course not. In the comment section of the death notice someone shared on their page, one person had to bring up the fact that he at one time said that Lynda Carter was “blessed by the chest fairy” as something horrible he’d done and equivocated it to the “me too” movement.   I thought it was overreacting from the start, and made the statement that saying things like that wasn’t a big deal.   The response was essentially “wrong is wrong” and I couldn’t really be a woman if I was defending him. I grew up in the 1970’s and 1980’s. ...
Read more

Presidential Politics in New Hampshire: Beto O'Rourke

Image
Other than the fact that he nearly beat Ted Cruz in Texas and a lot of people I know and respect really like him, I didn't know what to expect. How will his Texas politics play on a national stage? He was 20 minutes late, which didn't impress me. The meet-n-greet was held at Tuckerman's Brewery and people were buying beer and food. I dragged Danny with me since this will be his first primary and Presidential election and want him to meet the candidates and really listen to them, not just the sound-bites we are fed. I fed him a soft pretzel to keep him happy. I hadn't been to the brewery before. It has a good-sized space and they were packed in. He drew a much larger crowd than I was expecting for 3PM on a weekday. The brewery is a short walk from the middle school, and high school kids who don't drive could catch a bus after school to the middle school and walk here. There were a lot of young people here. Beto started off introducing himself by talking...
Read more

Let's Not Put Affectionate Men Back in the Closet

Image
The debate about Joe Biden and his showing affection to other people by touching them, hugging them, and kissing them in a non-sexual way has brought out a great deal of debate.  In this day and age after all of the revelations about inappropriate behavior by many men in power, there is some push back now and I agree. For years now women have been saying they want men who are more affectionate and show that affection.  My parents grew up in a time where men did not show affection to their children. Some might have in private, but in general it was frowned upon for men to hold and comfort their children in public.  Too much emphasis was placed on pleasing the head of the family, and that usually meant not burdening him with any emotional needs from the children.  That fell to the mother, as did nearly everything that happened beyond the front door. Since the 1970's, a lot has changed.  I pick that date because that's the frame of reference I have.  That ...
Read more