In The Mind of a School Shooter
This is a post I've contemplated for a number of years. There are people who will think differently about me after I've said what I need to say, but I feel the need to get this out there.
The cause of these school shootings is not one thing. It's not just bullying. It's not just easy access to guns. It's not just social isolation. It's the combination of these things and the lack of compassion and empathy we've been moving to as a society that's created the perfect storm for this to happen in.
Back in 1999 when we had the first mass-shooting at a school in Columbine High School, I said to some people I understood perfectly how it happened. I understood the level of anger, despair, hopelessness, and frustration that people who are bullied face. I had a rough time in high school. I did have some great friends, many of whom I am still friends with today. In that way, I wasn't totally isolated. I was also bullied, sometimes relentlessly.
Before Columbine, bullying was largely ignored at school, especially if it were the popular kids or the "jocks" who picked on other kids. We even had teachers who contributed to the bullying when I went to high school. I can tell you incidents of when a certain "jock" threw ketchup and salt on me in the cafeteria. My scalp got red and began to blister. I had to go home and wash it all out in the middle of the school day. My mother brought me back and we went to the Vice-Principal's office where the "jock" laughingly apologized to me. He didn't mean it, that was obvious. My mother was told to go home and go back to her soap operas. Nothing else happened except it made me more of a target.
Assigned seating in classes mean you didn't get to choose who you sat with a table. I sat with a boy who had a girlfriend who was a cheerleader in one of the science classes. We weren't flirting or anything, we just sat together and I guess he talked about me and it ticked her off, because I was threatened by her directly. Any time a cheerleader had a chance to take a cheap shot at me, they did. I can remember being lined up in gym class and having different girls kick me or hit me while I was just standing there, waiting for attendance to be taken. Of course, the teacher conveniently never saw this.
I played softball with friends and I was a really good player. We didn't have a softball team until 9th grade and I was eager to try out. Can you guess what happened? Picked on and driven away from tryouts. I found the track team and was happy to be on it, although that's one of the reason my knees are giving up on me now.
Some people might say some of it was my own fault. Being an only child I was starved for friendship. Sometimes I tried too hard and probably came off as pretty awkward. There were reasons for some of that, which I'll address in a separate post. Am I just blaming myself as a victim? Maybe. Maybe that is why I felt a deep understanding and sympathy for what the shooters in Columbine must have felt like to get to the point they were at.
We did have a shooting at my school while I was there. I've mentioned before that the area I grew up in became integrated as I moved from elementary to junior high then senior high. Well, one kid called another a "chink" during an argument and the boy went home and brought his father's gun to school and shot him with it. There was a history between them before this as well. I guess we were kind of lucky that his father didn't have a semi-automatic weapon at home.
Teachers, principals, counselors either didn't know what to do about the bullying that went on or didn't care. I think it has gotten better, but it's far from perfect. I remember reading an article about the kids attending Columbine High School 10 years after the shooting and a few of them being quotes that the shooters "had deserved to be bullied" because "they were weird."
This is where the lack of empathy and compassion is killing us as a country. Couple that with easy access to the semi-automatic weapons, and it's a recipe for disaster. We elected a President who openly mocked disabled people; whose sexism and misogyny is on open display. We openly admire people who amass great fortunes by stepping on other people and even offer up excuses for their poor behavior. We are doing nothing to put empathy and compassion back in people's hearts. Instead, we are sending the message that it's your right to mock, disparage, bully, and victimize people you consider "lesser" than yourself.
Why didn't I snap? Well, we had no weapons at home. I didn't fire a gun until I was much older. I also have always had a deep empathy and compassion for people and I don't think I could have done something that might have actually hurt people I did care about. I was always watching out for "the little guy" even as I was being victimized myself. I had friends at other schools and who were a little older than me that appreciated that about me. I said a few times I could see why someone would finally snap and do this, and if I knew I could have gotten away with it, I might have done the same. That was a key too. I had hope that there was a better life after high school, because of people I knew outside of that microcosm of society.
It's not only the bullies that have to be exposed to compassion and empathy, but the ones being bullied as well. We need to look at our fellow human beings and ask how would I feel if that were me?" rather than just walking by. We need to teach our children to do that in all parts of our lives. We've become a nation that wants to blame people, though, for their circumstances in life instead of feeling compassion for them.
Want it to stop? Yes, stopping easy access to weapons, particularly semi-automatic weapons is part of it. We also need to start realizing we reap what we sow. We need to enact budgets and elect leaders who display the compassion and empathy that we should be exhibiting as people, and then put that compassion and empathy on display in our own communities. We need to give kids hope of a different life after high school by better funding education and creating opportunities for those who don't see themselves as having many in the future.
We need to be better as a nation and a society in many, many ways.
The cause of these school shootings is not one thing. It's not just bullying. It's not just easy access to guns. It's not just social isolation. It's the combination of these things and the lack of compassion and empathy we've been moving to as a society that's created the perfect storm for this to happen in.
Back in 1999 when we had the first mass-shooting at a school in Columbine High School, I said to some people I understood perfectly how it happened. I understood the level of anger, despair, hopelessness, and frustration that people who are bullied face. I had a rough time in high school. I did have some great friends, many of whom I am still friends with today. In that way, I wasn't totally isolated. I was also bullied, sometimes relentlessly.
Before Columbine, bullying was largely ignored at school, especially if it were the popular kids or the "jocks" who picked on other kids. We even had teachers who contributed to the bullying when I went to high school. I can tell you incidents of when a certain "jock" threw ketchup and salt on me in the cafeteria. My scalp got red and began to blister. I had to go home and wash it all out in the middle of the school day. My mother brought me back and we went to the Vice-Principal's office where the "jock" laughingly apologized to me. He didn't mean it, that was obvious. My mother was told to go home and go back to her soap operas. Nothing else happened except it made me more of a target.
Assigned seating in classes mean you didn't get to choose who you sat with a table. I sat with a boy who had a girlfriend who was a cheerleader in one of the science classes. We weren't flirting or anything, we just sat together and I guess he talked about me and it ticked her off, because I was threatened by her directly. Any time a cheerleader had a chance to take a cheap shot at me, they did. I can remember being lined up in gym class and having different girls kick me or hit me while I was just standing there, waiting for attendance to be taken. Of course, the teacher conveniently never saw this.
I played softball with friends and I was a really good player. We didn't have a softball team until 9th grade and I was eager to try out. Can you guess what happened? Picked on and driven away from tryouts. I found the track team and was happy to be on it, although that's one of the reason my knees are giving up on me now.
Some people might say some of it was my own fault. Being an only child I was starved for friendship. Sometimes I tried too hard and probably came off as pretty awkward. There were reasons for some of that, which I'll address in a separate post. Am I just blaming myself as a victim? Maybe. Maybe that is why I felt a deep understanding and sympathy for what the shooters in Columbine must have felt like to get to the point they were at.
We did have a shooting at my school while I was there. I've mentioned before that the area I grew up in became integrated as I moved from elementary to junior high then senior high. Well, one kid called another a "chink" during an argument and the boy went home and brought his father's gun to school and shot him with it. There was a history between them before this as well. I guess we were kind of lucky that his father didn't have a semi-automatic weapon at home.
Teachers, principals, counselors either didn't know what to do about the bullying that went on or didn't care. I think it has gotten better, but it's far from perfect. I remember reading an article about the kids attending Columbine High School 10 years after the shooting and a few of them being quotes that the shooters "had deserved to be bullied" because "they were weird."
This is where the lack of empathy and compassion is killing us as a country. Couple that with easy access to the semi-automatic weapons, and it's a recipe for disaster. We elected a President who openly mocked disabled people; whose sexism and misogyny is on open display. We openly admire people who amass great fortunes by stepping on other people and even offer up excuses for their poor behavior. We are doing nothing to put empathy and compassion back in people's hearts. Instead, we are sending the message that it's your right to mock, disparage, bully, and victimize people you consider "lesser" than yourself.
Why didn't I snap? Well, we had no weapons at home. I didn't fire a gun until I was much older. I also have always had a deep empathy and compassion for people and I don't think I could have done something that might have actually hurt people I did care about. I was always watching out for "the little guy" even as I was being victimized myself. I had friends at other schools and who were a little older than me that appreciated that about me. I said a few times I could see why someone would finally snap and do this, and if I knew I could have gotten away with it, I might have done the same. That was a key too. I had hope that there was a better life after high school, because of people I knew outside of that microcosm of society.
It's not only the bullies that have to be exposed to compassion and empathy, but the ones being bullied as well. We need to look at our fellow human beings and ask how would I feel if that were me?" rather than just walking by. We need to teach our children to do that in all parts of our lives. We've become a nation that wants to blame people, though, for their circumstances in life instead of feeling compassion for them.
Want it to stop? Yes, stopping easy access to weapons, particularly semi-automatic weapons is part of it. We also need to start realizing we reap what we sow. We need to enact budgets and elect leaders who display the compassion and empathy that we should be exhibiting as people, and then put that compassion and empathy on display in our own communities. We need to give kids hope of a different life after high school by better funding education and creating opportunities for those who don't see themselves as having many in the future.
We need to be better as a nation and a society in many, many ways.
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