Nothing Really Matters.... Unless It Matters To Me
I've said for some time that empathy is sorely lacking in this country (and the world at large). People no longer try to look at things from anyone else's perspective and tend to denigrate anyone who doesn't respond to a situation the same way they do.
I just spent 9 nights crossing the North Atlantic on the inaugural voyage of the Norwegian Encore. For the most part, it was a great trip. There was a major bump at the end of it for a lot of people, though.
Several days before we were due to arrive in New York City, rumors began floating that we would have to disembark the ship Sunday night, despite all of the cruise information before this stating that disembarkation was Monday morning. Many people in the Facebook group for the cruise had contacted Norwegian Cruise Line prior to the sailing asking if we would be allowed off the ship into NYC on Sunday night with no clear answer. Some were told yes, some were told no. At no time was having to go through Customs and Immigration on Sunday night brought up.
Saturday afternoon was the first time we had any official word on this. What was going to happen was everyone had to get off the ship and proceed to Customs & Border Protection and clear through them. No one would be allowed back on the ship until it reached a passenger count of zero. No one knew for certain how long that would take. One person unaccounted for could hold up the entire complement of more than 2,000 passengers reboarding. It was estimated somewhere between 3-5 hours.
Since we were due to arrive at the pier in NYC at about 6PM at night, that meant potentially sitting in the cruise terminal with nothing to do until 11PM. There weren't many kids on the voyage, but for parents with young children, it was a problem. This also affected dining and the entertainment for the last night of the cruise. Nothing was said at all about anything.
We had been given the option earlier in the week of choosing to disembark Sunday night. I had previously arranged to be picked up on Monday morning, so I wasn't interested at the time. After this latest turn of events, I definitely was. I had no interest in "walking around New York City." I was still recovering from a severe ankle sprain on the foot I'd had surgery on earlier this year. I'd lived in the metropolitan NYC area for 39 years. I also didn't relish the thought of sitting in the cruise terminal (if I could get a seat) for potentially 4-5 hours waiting to get back on board to sleep and then have breakfast. (We had to be off by 9AM the next morning, so no sleeping in, either, especially if you wanted something to eat before departing.) I could go home and do that, but I had no way to contact my ride. All I had for messaging was Facebook Messenger and the person picking me up doesn't use that. I did manage to coordinate a pick-up after a third party acted as intermediary and texted him while I messaged her, so it worked out in the end.
I wasn't the only one upset by this turn of events. In fact, most of the people leaving the ship when I did seemed to be taking the option of disembarking Sunday night. There were a lot of people walking their own luggage off the ship rather than waiting for porters the next morning. One person actually fainted while waiting to go through Customs and had to be taken away in an ambulance. It took about 4 hours from when we docked at the pier for people to be allowed back on the ship. I was watching for posts online and by that time we were crossing the border into Massachusetts. The decision to leave was the right one for us and I'm glad I was able to coordinate it despite the obstacles I faced.
Saturday night was a Farewell Dinner. I sat with a new friend I'd made and we commiserated over the decisions we had to make about leaving he ship and the poor planning and communication on the part of Norwegian Cruise Lines. A couple I didn't know was sitting across from us. The lady commented "You're happy, you're healthy, just be grateful..."
I didn't hear any more. I've heard those platitudes so much through the years and usually I'm pretty polite about it and just let people say their peace because it makes them feel better. If you ever feel the urge to say that to someone, rest assured it does not make them feel better; it only makes YOU feel better. This trip was for the express purpose of getting away from home on what would have been my late daughter's 29th birthday. I am not grateful for any of it. I would trade that cruise and every other vacation I've been on to have her alive and well. I'm healthy? I've had knee replacement and ankle reconstruction just so I can keep moving and I fight depression, anxiety, and PTSD every damn day just to get out of bed and get out of the house. When I snapped back that this cruise was to help distract me from these facts, she actually covered her ears because she didn't want to hear that the platitudes she'd spoken fell flat in the face of my reality.
The response online in our group has also been derogatory by several people. Anyone who complained about having to go through this was told they were "acting like a child" that it was "a little inconvenience" that we were complainers, whiners, etc.
No sympathy for people with young children who would be up well past their bedtimes.
No sympathy for older people who would be up later than they were used to, or who take medications on a specific schedule.
No sympathy for people in wheelchairs. We were in the first group off and there were plenty of people in wheelchairs coming off at that time. They had nothing to do except sit in the terminal for 3+ hours until they were wheeled back on.
No sympathy for the man who was fainted and ended his trip with a ride to the hospital in an ambulance.
The attitude projected seemed to be that the situation didn't bother me, so what are you all upset about.
Like the platitudes, no one seems to care that someone else's situation is different; that "cheer up" isn't going to make someone see the light and decide that life isn't really that bad. It's about what feels good to the person saying it. It's about the person mocking how someone else handles a situation making themselves feel a bit superior.
It doesn't matter that someone fainted while waiting to go through Customs.... that is, unless it happened to them.
When things happen to them, you'll see the righteous indignation. They'll expect everyone on the bandwagon beside them. When that happens, sometimes it sticks; sometimes they "get it." More often than not, though, when the crisis that has effected them is over they go right back to being who they were.
We need more people in the world concerned about people besides themselves. We need people who are concerned about the man who fainted, rather than gloat over how perfect their evening was and act like they are scoring points making fun of other people.
I just spent 9 nights crossing the North Atlantic on the inaugural voyage of the Norwegian Encore. For the most part, it was a great trip. There was a major bump at the end of it for a lot of people, though.
Several days before we were due to arrive in New York City, rumors began floating that we would have to disembark the ship Sunday night, despite all of the cruise information before this stating that disembarkation was Monday morning. Many people in the Facebook group for the cruise had contacted Norwegian Cruise Line prior to the sailing asking if we would be allowed off the ship into NYC on Sunday night with no clear answer. Some were told yes, some were told no. At no time was having to go through Customs and Immigration on Sunday night brought up.
Saturday afternoon was the first time we had any official word on this. What was going to happen was everyone had to get off the ship and proceed to Customs & Border Protection and clear through them. No one would be allowed back on the ship until it reached a passenger count of zero. No one knew for certain how long that would take. One person unaccounted for could hold up the entire complement of more than 2,000 passengers reboarding. It was estimated somewhere between 3-5 hours.
Since we were due to arrive at the pier in NYC at about 6PM at night, that meant potentially sitting in the cruise terminal with nothing to do until 11PM. There weren't many kids on the voyage, but for parents with young children, it was a problem. This also affected dining and the entertainment for the last night of the cruise. Nothing was said at all about anything.
We had been given the option earlier in the week of choosing to disembark Sunday night. I had previously arranged to be picked up on Monday morning, so I wasn't interested at the time. After this latest turn of events, I definitely was. I had no interest in "walking around New York City." I was still recovering from a severe ankle sprain on the foot I'd had surgery on earlier this year. I'd lived in the metropolitan NYC area for 39 years. I also didn't relish the thought of sitting in the cruise terminal (if I could get a seat) for potentially 4-5 hours waiting to get back on board to sleep and then have breakfast. (We had to be off by 9AM the next morning, so no sleeping in, either, especially if you wanted something to eat before departing.) I could go home and do that, but I had no way to contact my ride. All I had for messaging was Facebook Messenger and the person picking me up doesn't use that. I did manage to coordinate a pick-up after a third party acted as intermediary and texted him while I messaged her, so it worked out in the end.
I wasn't the only one upset by this turn of events. In fact, most of the people leaving the ship when I did seemed to be taking the option of disembarking Sunday night. There were a lot of people walking their own luggage off the ship rather than waiting for porters the next morning. One person actually fainted while waiting to go through Customs and had to be taken away in an ambulance. It took about 4 hours from when we docked at the pier for people to be allowed back on the ship. I was watching for posts online and by that time we were crossing the border into Massachusetts. The decision to leave was the right one for us and I'm glad I was able to coordinate it despite the obstacles I faced.
Saturday night was a Farewell Dinner. I sat with a new friend I'd made and we commiserated over the decisions we had to make about leaving he ship and the poor planning and communication on the part of Norwegian Cruise Lines. A couple I didn't know was sitting across from us. The lady commented "You're happy, you're healthy, just be grateful..."
I didn't hear any more. I've heard those platitudes so much through the years and usually I'm pretty polite about it and just let people say their peace because it makes them feel better. If you ever feel the urge to say that to someone, rest assured it does not make them feel better; it only makes YOU feel better. This trip was for the express purpose of getting away from home on what would have been my late daughter's 29th birthday. I am not grateful for any of it. I would trade that cruise and every other vacation I've been on to have her alive and well. I'm healthy? I've had knee replacement and ankle reconstruction just so I can keep moving and I fight depression, anxiety, and PTSD every damn day just to get out of bed and get out of the house. When I snapped back that this cruise was to help distract me from these facts, she actually covered her ears because she didn't want to hear that the platitudes she'd spoken fell flat in the face of my reality.
The response online in our group has also been derogatory by several people. Anyone who complained about having to go through this was told they were "acting like a child" that it was "a little inconvenience" that we were complainers, whiners, etc.
No sympathy for people with young children who would be up well past their bedtimes.
No sympathy for older people who would be up later than they were used to, or who take medications on a specific schedule.
No sympathy for people in wheelchairs. We were in the first group off and there were plenty of people in wheelchairs coming off at that time. They had nothing to do except sit in the terminal for 3+ hours until they were wheeled back on.
No sympathy for the man who was fainted and ended his trip with a ride to the hospital in an ambulance.
The attitude projected seemed to be that the situation didn't bother me, so what are you all upset about.
Like the platitudes, no one seems to care that someone else's situation is different; that "cheer up" isn't going to make someone see the light and decide that life isn't really that bad. It's about what feels good to the person saying it. It's about the person mocking how someone else handles a situation making themselves feel a bit superior.
It doesn't matter that someone fainted while waiting to go through Customs.... that is, unless it happened to them.
When things happen to them, you'll see the righteous indignation. They'll expect everyone on the bandwagon beside them. When that happens, sometimes it sticks; sometimes they "get it." More often than not, though, when the crisis that has effected them is over they go right back to being who they were.
We need more people in the world concerned about people besides themselves. We need people who are concerned about the man who fainted, rather than gloat over how perfect their evening was and act like they are scoring points making fun of other people.
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